420 Miles

Can I just say that I absolutely hate living so far away from Em! It's 420 miles from my place to hers, and that distance, on a good day, is just a number. But on a bad day, it's a weight that drags down the heart and soul of a man.

I like to fancy myself a fairly strong man. Not a whole lot keeps me down. I don't let it. It happens out of sheer determination. But, this week I have just really been down about this distance. It doesn't help that I still have 3 1/2 weeks until the next time that I get to see Em. But, I know that that kind of time can be endured through. It just sucks to have to do it.

All I want today is to just be able to sit down with her and talk...talk about anything, everything, and nothing all at once. Talk about the weather. Talk about our hopes and fears, our dreams and distractions. Our future and our past. Lessons learned, mistakes made, obstacles seen in the distance, and possible ways around them. And to be able to just hold her as we talk. Nothing in the world would make me happier than to be able to do that today.

With being down so much, I feel like the guy Mike Ness was singing about in 'Cheating at Solitaire'

When I got to the end of my dirty rainbow
And I found that there was no pot of gold
Well, I learned that I was empty and not quite as strong
For I had robbed my heart and cheated my soul
Look for the one with the watery eyes
I'll be the fool in the mirror asking you why
Cursing lovers in a warm, tender embrace
Scoffing at the the world and the whole human race
You can run, you can hide, you can feed your foolish pride
You can use and abuse, in the end you'll always lose at the game.

I don't like not feeling like I'm as strong as I think I am. I don't like feeling down. I don't like wishing for something I know I can't have. But that's where I am right now...and there's nothing that can really be done. I just have to ride it out until I start to feel better...feel like myself. Until then, I'll just quietly curse every inch of those 420 miles.

Thus Sayeth Your Haus