Haus' iPod Touch - May Mental Mayhem

I've written a couple whiny posts lately, so I feel like I need to write something different. Something that lets me get what's on my mind onto paper without making me feel like I'm acting like a spoiled little boy. So, what better to express what's on my mind than talk about what's been going into my ears.

The playlist I've been listening to has this title. It's a mixture of everything, and it has a number of messages, but it has helped me stay even these past few weeks.

Time to Go - Dropkick Murphys
The NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs are the most grueling playoffs in all of professional team sports. After playing an 82 game season from October to April, you have to win 16 games in 6-7 weeks in order to lift Lord Stanley's Cup.

The Bruins have been the NHL team I've followed for a few years now, and I followed them fairly closely this year, even going to two Bruins games (in Phoenix and in LA). When they made the playoffs, I decided to grow a playoff beard. They were what I occupied my evenings with over the past few weeks, and I listen to this song as I prepare myself mentally for each Bruins game. It's actually written about the Bruins and the experience of going to a Bruins game.

Replay - Iyaz
I was getting a haircut before my last trip to San Diego (I usually get it cut once I get into town, but I knew that I wouldn't have the time to spare on this last trip, so I just got it done on campus before hand), and I heard this song playing. I looked it up on YouTube and really liked it. So, I downloaded it and have been listening to it since.

Shawty´s like a melody in my head
That I can´t keep out
Got me singin´ like
Na na na na everyday
It´s like my iPod stuck on replay

See you been all around the globe
Not once did you leave my mind
We talk on the phone from night til the morn
Girl you really change my life
Doing things I never do
I´m in the kitchen cooking things she likes

We´re real worldwide breaking all the rules
Someday I wanna make you my wife
That girl like something off a poster
That girl is a dime they say
That girl is the gun to my holster
She´s running through my mind all day

And, when you think about it, Em is constantly on my mind. I can't shake her, and I really don't want to. I like the thought of her being there.

Check the Levels - The Dirty Heads
Disclaimer - If you go looking this song up, you may want to look for an edited version.

This one's about two kids, Tom and Lily, that were ridiculed and shunned while they were young. And, during the progression of this song, they find talents that they were motivated to cultivate by their experiences.

See what they thought they knew about these two was givin up
Cause no matter what they said these two just didn't give a [censored]
They had it all along they just figured it out
How to take the negativity and turn it all around
Now Lily's turning heads up on the runway in Milan
And Todd is selling millions while his fans sing along like

Check the level cause something's coming' over me
Something's got a hold of me always controlling me
It's in the audio, it's in the air,
It's in the way you move, it's everywhere
It's something beautiful, that you don't know
So feel the audio, and let it go

Sometimes, you just come across an experiences that will cause you reevaluate everything in your life and decide that you need to make a change. For me, it was a conversation in my truck on a July night in Utah. I knew that I was headed in the wrong direction, and the changes have been slow, but they're being made, and I'm going to come out a better person for it. You don't always know what will cause the change, it could just be something in the air, but you shouldn't fight the changes you need to make in life. The ability to make the change is there...you just need to do what's needed.

If You Leave This World Before Me - Mike Ness
The song, in total, is a pretty depressing one about death. But, there's a part that caught my ear:

If you leave before me
I promise I never will tell
About all the things we talked about
Our dark secrets I'll keep well
Aren't you glad there ain't nobody listening
Aren't you glad that no one seems to care what we do
Aren't you glad there ain't no one to tell us what's right or wrong
While we sit and we talk about nothing.

One of my favorite pastimes is to just sit with Em and talk. Sometimes we talk about serious subjects, sometimes about our dreams, sometimes about just whatever comes to mind. But, we open ourselves to each other to the point where there are definite things that I wouldn't want her to share, and I feel that there are some things I should also keep to myself. They're things that will go with me to the grave. And, at the same time, it's rare that we ever hear anything from either of our parents about this. There's not telling us that what we're doing is right or wrong...they expect us to make our own decisions about our actions and trust that we'll make the right choices with our lives. And, while we're talking about nothing, we are making the right choice.

You Shook Me All Night Long - Vitamin String Quartet
In looking for music for the wedding reception, I came across a list of Garter Tossing songs, and one of them was AC/DC's classic You Shook Me All Night Long. Makes sense to me, being familiar with the song. I knew this song would be a non-starter with Em, so I asked her what she thought (know that she wouldn't know the song, but would be a little leery of an AC/DC song at the wedding). I quickly informed her that I wouldn't want it played at the wedding. It's not exactly what I think of as a traditional wedding song. But, while looking for other music on iTunes, I came across the Vitamin String Quartet's album The Rock 'n Roll Wedding Collection. On there, I found this song. So, I bought the album for me, and maybe I'll try to get one of the other songs on the album put into the playlist for the reception. Maybe.

Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows
Is there a song title that could more accurately describe the situation Em and I found ourselves in. We had been friends for years, but then after a couple visits, a few looks, a bad British movie, and a dinner or two...we're in love and engaged!

Come on, come on, move a little closer
Come on, come on, I want to hear you whisper
Come on, come on, settle down inside my love

Oh, come on, come on, jump a little higher
Come on, come on, if you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on, we were once upon a time in love
We're accidentally in love

Thus Sayeth Your Haus

Three Months

Yesterday was May 13th. I get married on August 13th. That's three months from yesterday! Time is flying by, and now I'm starting to see how much there is to get done before the blessed day. I'm not freaking out about it (yet), but I am seeing goal dates approach quickly.

Normally this would not be an issue for me, but I'm not exactly in a happy mood right now, so that kinda puts a damper on things. It's been three weeks since I last saw Em, and it'll be another two weeks before I get to go out there again. She left for Europe yesterday...a vacation she had been planning on taking with her cousin since before we started dating. I think it's good for her to be able to spend the time with her cousin, to be able to see new places, as well as revisit some of the places she served while on her mission. The thing that blows is that it'll be a month between trips out, and that's just too long to not be able to see her.

Alas, I just have to suck it up and deal with the way things are. I also need to write a blog post that isn't so whiny! I'll just tack that onto the to-do list, which grows by the moment.

Thus Sayeth Your Haus

420 Miles

Can I just say that I absolutely hate living so far away from Em! It's 420 miles from my place to hers, and that distance, on a good day, is just a number. But on a bad day, it's a weight that drags down the heart and soul of a man.

I like to fancy myself a fairly strong man. Not a whole lot keeps me down. I don't let it. It happens out of sheer determination. But, this week I have just really been down about this distance. It doesn't help that I still have 3 1/2 weeks until the next time that I get to see Em. But, I know that that kind of time can be endured through. It just sucks to have to do it.

All I want today is to just be able to sit down with her and talk...talk about anything, everything, and nothing all at once. Talk about the weather. Talk about our hopes and fears, our dreams and distractions. Our future and our past. Lessons learned, mistakes made, obstacles seen in the distance, and possible ways around them. And to be able to just hold her as we talk. Nothing in the world would make me happier than to be able to do that today.

With being down so much, I feel like the guy Mike Ness was singing about in 'Cheating at Solitaire'

When I got to the end of my dirty rainbow
And I found that there was no pot of gold
Well, I learned that I was empty and not quite as strong
For I had robbed my heart and cheated my soul
Look for the one with the watery eyes
I'll be the fool in the mirror asking you why
Cursing lovers in a warm, tender embrace
Scoffing at the the world and the whole human race
You can run, you can hide, you can feed your foolish pride
You can use and abuse, in the end you'll always lose at the game.

I don't like not feeling like I'm as strong as I think I am. I don't like feeling down. I don't like wishing for something I know I can't have. But that's where I am right now...and there's nothing that can really be done. I just have to ride it out until I start to feel better...feel like myself. Until then, I'll just quietly curse every inch of those 420 miles.

Thus Sayeth Your Haus