From Haus' iPod

A lot of what I think about on a daily basis comes from the music I listen to. Here's a sampling of what's in my iPod right now and what kind of effect it is having on me:

Taylor Swift (don't laugh!) - Our Song
"Our song is the slamming screen door, Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window. When we're on the phone and you talk real slow Cause it's late and your mama don't know. Our song is the way you laugh. The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have." And when I got home ... before I said amen, Asking God if he could play it again."

This brings back memories of big things I've done badly. I remember being a junior in high school and talking with my girlfriend on the phone late at night. The only downside was my parents did know, as the light on their phone showed the line was being used. There's another girl out there that I should have kissed long ago, but I've never wanted to jeopardize the relationship we already have. This girl brings out the best in me, but she also brings out my biggest character flaw...my inability to take a big chance. Of course, there's another girl I did kiss on our first date where I now wish I would have slow-played things for a bit. That would have saved me a lot of heartache later. I have been in a relationship where there's been an 'our song'. It was 'You Belong to Me' by Jason Wade. All of the other ones, though, we haven't really had a song that was ours, which may be for the best. I haven't listened to 'You Belong to Me' in a few years, especially after the 'Dear John' letter I got two weeks after Valentine's Day.

Dropkick Murphys - The Legend of Finn Mac
"This mighty soldier on the eve of the war he waged told his troops of lessons learned from battles fought. "May your heart grow bolder like an iron-clad brigade" said this leader to his outnumbered lot."

There are just some days when you feel outnumbered beyone belief. You look out and see a veritable sea of enemies and obstacles, and you look behind and see it's you and your shadow. To get through this advisarial force, a bold heart and a smart head are needed. I have to remember that as long as I keep my head about me and know where to turn for help, that 'those that be with us are more than those that be against us.' That's a thought that will help embolden a man's heart.

Dropkick Murphys - Never Forget
"In a child's eye there's something I hope someday you'll know. A friend's dedication, it's something to behold. A mother's smile, it makes everything all right. To a women's caring hand I'll be holding on tonight.
When you got love and we got family, keep 'em close and don't forget to hold them right there in your heart. When you got love and family."

There's always something good in life, and sometimes we have to look at the little things to find the good in life. Something as simple as a look in a child's eye, a smile from Mom, or just the simple touch of a woman. You want to keep these little things close to you, as it's those memories that will help you as you feel alone. Plus, really, there's nothing better in life than a woman's caring hand to hold onto. Well, at least I'm thinking that now as I don't have any children (or a woman's caring hand to hold onto, but that's another story).

Great Big Sea - Sea of No Cares
"When you decide that what counts is inside, your friends all say it's a lie. But there's no brighter light than the look in her eyes when you're walking her home through the night. And hey, hey somewhere, you threw your fear in the Sea of No Cares."

Nowadays, I don't walk many of my dates home. Drive, yes. Walk, not so much. But, I do walk each one to the door. And when we get to the door, I make sure to look each one of them in the eyes before wishing them a good night. It's cliche to say that the eyes are the window to the soul, but I happen to find the eyes to be the most beautiful part of a woman. You can tell a lot about a person from their eyes. And, in the case of a woman with beautiful eyes, you can get lost in them. When you see a person's feelings in their eyes before you hear them express them, then you know that you truly understand a person. And to see the love of a woman in her eyes before she says anything is the kind of connection that I really want in life.

Rise Against! - Paper Wings"
"And I can't tell if you're laughing. Between each smile there's a tear in your eye. There's a train leaving town in an hour. It's not waiting for you, and neither and I."

Sometimes I wonder if this is my life talking to me. I'll do anything in my power to not show weakness, sensitivity, or sorrow. For someone to actually see me sad, they have to either catch me at a weak moment or they have to be really close to me. I want people to see the smile and to hear me laugh. I want them to see the thoughtful look. I don't want people to see me when I'm sad. You may think it's my massive ego, or an overdeveloped sense of machismo, but I don't want people to see me when I'm seriously down. I try and keep an even keel in public, not too far up and not too far down, and that's how I want to be seen. Calm, collected, and stable. Nobody needs to know when I'm freaking out inside, and nobody needs to know when I'm hurting inside. When I broke up with my most recent girlfriend, I didn't say anything right away. I told my brother (who then told my parents), and I mentioned it to my boss after she mentioned to me that I looked like I had checked out (in my defense, I did have a vacation coming up at the end of that week, which is what she attributed it to). I didn't want to make a big deal about it because I didn't want people to see how if affected me. I wanted life to continue on as normal. I knew people would eventually find out, but I didn't want life to stop because of it. And that's just how I am. I play things close to the vest and only show what I want to show. Is this healthy? Probably not. But, it is the way it is.

Street Dogs - The General's Boombox
"You lit the fire in us and we play on in your trust. A reluctant, poetic guttersnipe. Beyond images and songs, more than your memory carries on, As the general's boombox still plays on."

Everyone has something to motivates them. A person, a concept, a goal, a twinkie. It's different for everyone. I'm currently motivated to work hard because I know that I'll get a nice, well-deserved vacation at the end of our Go-Live and Transisiton process (73 days until San Diego!). The memory of a fallen teammate motivated my high school football team on to victory week after week. It's the memory of how a woman feels in my arms that motivates me to want to find the woman that I'll be able to hold for the rest of my life and into the eternities. Memories can cause us to do all sorts of things, and it's the results of those actions we remember that can be our constant reminder of what we know and how we want it to affect our lives.

Thus Sayeth Your Haus