Lamentations of a Summer

In two weeks, the students will return to campus, I'll have trouble finding parking, and I'll actually have to bring myself to hitting the books once again. Now, granted, I'm a part-time non-degree seeking graduate student, but school was never something that I spent a lot of time working too hard at. Learning has come easy to me. Well, book learning has come easy to me. Other aspects of learning have not. But, that's for another day, or at least another paragraph. I know that an education is important, I would not trade my college experience (and the degree that came with it) for anything. But, I sometimes feel that by staying in school, and especially by staying in Tucson, that I'm trying to extend something that should have ended for me two years ago. Of course, if I had just gone straight to grad school full-time, I would be done by now. But, that's also besides the point. Putting myself in the correct mental state to go back to school is difficult, though it's something that I've been thinking about more and more recently.

The thought of just going back to school, and by definition leaving Tucson, is something brought on by the idea that my life just isn't where I want it to be. To quote Flogging Molly, "There's an ocean between where I am and where I want to be." This thought has been intensified this summer. Now, an outside observer would think that I've had a good summer, maybe even a really good summer. I, though, an not an outside observer. I'm just over three months removed from a nearly four-year relationship. It has been a tough time, but I thought I was getting through things fairly well. After spending a month in a self-imposed house arrest, I decided to go out with some friends one night. We went to see the Tucson Pops at Reid Park. I started to meet new people, make new friends, and have fun again. Where my wheels started falling off the wagon, though, is when I met and started talking to one of the girls that was at the park that night. As I got to know her, I had a few realizations. First, that I still have the ability to make a decent impression on a girl. Second, it was fun to get to know someone new. Third, that it wasn't good for me to be alone anymore. Now, I can tell you that in the short time I've known her that I haven't thought through that third point in relation to her, but just in general. But that general thought was enough to get me thinking about where I really want the direction of my life to go.

So, what have I done to change the direction of my life? Very good question. I've started prepping for the GRE so I can become a degree-seeking grad student. The next question is where. I could stay at UA, work and go to school at the same time, and then just hope that I meet the right girl here. It would also help that I really wouldn't have to pay much for school (as being a University employee is good for the tuition bill). On the flip side, I could pack up and leave, live on a part-time job and a student loan, hope to find a woman whereever I end up, and finish my degree in half the time it would take at UA going part-time. The next question would be where to go? So, I took a minute to do something that I would never have considered a year ago...I looked at the grad programs offered in Happy Valley (and I'm not referring to Penn State). I've thought about Notre Dame, which would be cold, but fun. I've thought about a few SoCal schools. I've thought about PSU, UConn, and BC. But I haven't come any closer to making a decision that I was a month ago. I just know that the status quo can't continue if I want to be happy. And this is where my summer has gone.